the motions

18 01 2008

time is just flying these days isn’t it? unfortunately when time flies by, a lot of things get lost in it, including my so-called relationship with God. i’m reminded right now as i sit here that there’s so much unimportant stuff in my life that i’m crowding in to take the place of Him. there’s a lot that i need to learn to better prioritize and keep perspective on, but so often i fail to do that.

i just watched the first four clips of the Matthew West documentary “Nothing to Say”. it follows up on his album that was released just a couple of days ago titled “Something to Say”. i know God knows everything about it, but i’m going to share my perspective because i know that’s part of what He wants from me. often i think that i can get so caught up in my own problems and issues that i lose perspective on the fact that He is really in control. Matthew went through a terrible instance of surgery for what appeared to be growths or tumors, or something strange on his vocal chords. this impeded his entire career, the singing, the touring, the recording, and even the everyday life. that he couldn’t speak for two months and not know whether he was going to have any success afterwards was certainly not the most comforting thing. i mean, he had his entire album planned out, the next few years of life and everything mapped out, only to have it completely shaken by this problem that God allowed. yeah i could ask why and wonder what the heck is going on with it, but why question the almighty God about His own purposes?

there was a quote from the artist Mandisa that was included that i can’t even completely quote, but maybe i can get the gist of it for you. she said that Matthew might not be seeing the benefits of this for him where he is right now, but it’s sure that this is being used to help someone else who either knows him or hears of his story in this situation. i struck a chord with that right away because i, not trying to belittle Matthew’s struggle, have been looking for something to speak to me. i look at my current situation and wonder what is the meaning of it all and what’s going to come out of it all. then i see his story and can’t help but to think of all that God has spared me from and brought me through. here he is not knowing whether he can trust his voice, and what that means for his future. here i am wondering what i’m doing in the future. i’ve got it so much better of than he does at that point. mind you, i did have plans and such, and maybe things haven’t been all rosy and perfect, but God has a way of getting our attention when we need to hear it the most.

everything has really been a wake-up call as of late as to who is really in control of my life. if i just keep ignoring You and letting it just slide there’s going to be no growth or change in this spirit, just a measure of pain. if i’m going to do what glorifies God’s name, doesn’t it make sense that i would first have a passion for Him? i’m seriously at a loss for words, probably something that He wanted me to be at, but i find it so disheartening to know that i’m not in control of what’s going to happen next. i just want to be able to wrangle away the reins from His control sometimes and take it my own way. i know it’ll be horrible and life will all go to pot if i do, but sometimes it just seems easier.

there’s this new song on Matthew’s new cd that struck a chord with me. it’s called “The Motions” and talks about just being stuck in a rut and not really seizing life or grabbing a hold of God’s call on our lives. some of the lyrics resonated really deeply with me:

this might hurt, it’s not safe
but i know that i’ve got to make a change
i don’t care if i break
at least i’ll be feeling something
cause just ok is not enough
help me fight through the nothingness of life

i don’t wanna go through the motions
i don’t wanna go one more day
without your all-consuming passion inside of me
i don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
“what if i had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?”

what if i do honestly sit here and continue to go through the motions? what kind of a race am i running then, because it’s certainly not a good one. if i’m truly going to run, and run hard in the race, i’ve got to get outside of the motions and grab a hold of that all-consuming passion that is spoken of. i don’t think i even understand fully what that looks like and what it means, but i know it’s going to alter my life drastically when i figure it out. maybe it means living with reckless abandon like i mentioned before, or maybe it means just seriously seeking God out in everything all through the experience. or maybe it’s even part of both of those.

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